


i wanna come home to you

by diors



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-04 15:23:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10282067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diors/pseuds/diors
Summary: Changkyun needs to start focusing on the bigger things. Precisely, seeing Kihyun again for the first time in six months. More precisely, six months after Kihyun broke up with him for no good reason and avoided him like the plague.





	

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i powered through this and finished it tonight and i know it's bad don't hate me but i just wanted to get this out?? i actually had more ideas for this au rip maybe i'll get around to writing more some time
> 
> [russian translation available](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6295481)

Kihyun’s hair is pink.

Of course that’s the first thing registering in Changkyun’s head because he distinctly remembers that Kihyun’s hair was a dark brown the last time he saw him. Which was, _okay,_ six months ago, but Changkyun’s still stumped over the fact that _Kihyun_ is now sporting bright pink hair - well-mannered, straight A-student Kihyun who once declared he was never going to dye his hair when Minhyuk bleached his locks to a platinum white.

But Kihyun is standing in front of him, with pink hair, and Changkyun needs to get over this small insignificant fact and start focusing on the bigger things. Precisely, seeing Kihyun again for the first time in six months. More precisely, six months after Kihyun broke up with him for no good reason and avoided him like the plague.

One minute, he’d been sitting next to Jooheon in a booth with a couple of their friends, and the next minute he locked eyes with Kihyun across the room and wordlessly followed him when he nodded towards the stairs to the toilets. He’s sure this is the ‘why we broke up’ conversation they should have had on the day they broke up, preferably in a more comfortable setting than, let’s say, a dingy bathroom in a run-down college bar, graffiti covering the stalls, but Changkyun takes what he can get.

“So,” Kihyun starts. He’s wringing his hands, a sign that he’s nervous. “Good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees, even though it really isn’t. The awkwardness is heavy and silent around them and Changkyun wants to get out, away from the stale air, the loud music drifting down from upstairs, away from the person who broke his heart.

Kihyun’s next question stumps Changkyun. “You don’t hate me, do you?” The fluorescent lights keep flickering but Changkyun can tell - Kihyun is anxious, pulling his lower lip between his teeth, fidgeting with his sleeves.

“No,” Changkyun starts slowly. “Do you want me to hate you?”

Kihyun blinks. “No, of course not.”

A shrug. “Then, I don’t.”

Kihyun sighs and his shoulders slump. “It’s not that easy, Changkyun.”

“Sure it is. I don’t hate you even though what you did should make me hate you. Jooheon actually advised me to hate you. He said he did. But I don’t.” He wets his lips, glances up to Kihyun. “I can’t.”

Kihyun swallows, tries a small smile. “You look good,” he says.

Changkyun doesn’t react, wills himself not to blush, doesn’t want Kihyun to see what kind of affect he still has on him. “You have pink hair.”

Kihyun lets out a short laugh, unconsciously running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, uh, Minhyuk convinced me to dye it. Said a change in appearance will make me feel better, or whatever. To get through the break-up. Pretty sure he just wanted me to dye it, no matter the reason.”

Changkyun needs a second to take these words in and when he does, the pain upon seeing Kihyun again, the one he’d repressed all this time, is now opening up. “Yeah, because a break-up can be so hard on the person who’s doing the breaking up.”

Kihyun stares at him, obviously shocked. “I don’t -” He breaks off, clears his throat. “You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“You _are,_ ” Kihyun emphasizes. “But listen, Changkyun, I was messed up, okay -”

“Don’t worry about the person you broke up with.” Changkyun doesn’t want to back down, doesn’t want Kihyun to see him as weak, but he knows that Kihyun knows - there’s hurt in his eyes and he’s biting his lip so hard he’s almost bleeding and Kihyun just now fully realized what he did.

“We’re having this conversation, then,” he quietly says.

Changkyun shakes his head, crosses his arms over his chest. “Not here,” he mumbles. “Gotta get back anyway.”

Kihyun sharply looks up, desperation in his eyes. “Don’t go,” he almost whispers and lifts his hand as if to reach out but Changkyun’s already moving towards the door. Kihyun’s next words stop him. “Heard you went on a trip.”

Changkyun looks back at him over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised.

“Hyungwon mentioned it.”

“I did,” Changkyun replies, turning back around. It might be his imagination but Kihyun almost looks relieved. “With Jooheon. He convinced me to do it. We spent all our saved up money on it, but,” he shrugs, shuffling his feet. “I’m glad we went.”

Kihyun nods. “Where to?” he asks.

Changkyun’s ears burn. “Greece,” he answers and watches how Kihyun’s eyes light up at the name of the country and how his face falls when he fully registers his words. Kihyun tries a small smile. “So, Jooheon convinced you to go on a trip to Greece,” he says, a bite to his voice. He’s bitter, Changkyun realizes. He can clearly hear Kihyun’s unspoken words: _You went to Greece with Jooheon but never wanted to go with me._

“Jooheon’s idea was only the trip,” he says. “I suggested the country.”

Kihyun looks at him and it may have been six months since their break-up but just for one moment Changkyun imagines they never broke up in the first place. They wouldn’t be here, in a small toilet at some bar, they’d be out there with their friends, maybe dancing, maybe sitting in some booth, Kihyun with his head on Changkyun’s shoulder and playing with his fingers, or they’d already be on their way back to Kihyun’s apartment because Kihyun always got sleepy after drinking.

“It was beautiful,” Changkyun continues, not breaking his gaze. “I can see why you like it so much.”

Now, Kihyun’s smile is small but genuine. “I missed you,” he says softly. “Did you miss me, too?”

Before Changkyun can answer, before he can blurt out something idiotic like _of course I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you every day for the past six months,_ a knock on the door interrupts them, followed by a familiar voice. “Changkyunnie, you’ve been down here for a while,” Jooheon calls out. “Are you okay?”

Changkyun steps away from the door only to open it and Jooheon grins in relief. “Hey, are you -” he starts but then his eyes fall on Kihyun and his expressions darkens. “Hyung,” he says and Changkyun inwardly winces at the cold tone.

“Hey, Jooheon,” Kihyun answers, his tone defeated. He knows their conversation is over.

Jooheon doesn’t spare him another glance, looking back to Changkyun. “Let’s go,” he says and holds the door open for him. Changkyun only takes one step before Kihyun’s voice is back again. “Did you?” he asks again, eyes wide and desperate. Hopeful.

Changkyun swallows. “Of course I did,” he says and then he’s following Jooheon up the stairs, through the crowded bar, out in the cold night.

 

*

 

It’s 1:45 AM on a Monday night. Changkyun should be asleep, considering his first class of the day is at 09:30 but his phone lit up two minutes ago with a new message and now he’s wide awake.

_got your number from hoseok. please don’t yell at him. meet me in front of the dorms at 2? Ki._

Five minutes later and Changkyun is quietly closing his door on his way out, as not to wake Jooheon. He’s dressed himself quickly, some jeans lying at the end of his bed, and kept the hoodie he’d been wearing, stuffed his feet into his converse, only grabbing his keys and phone.

When he steps outside, Kihyun is standing with his back to him, shoulders hunched, staring down at the ground.

“You sent me that message not knowing if I was asleep or not,” Changkyun says and Kihyun jumps at his voice but he’s smiling when he faces him, eyes crinkling by the corners.

“I sent you that message on the off chance that you’d still be awake,” he replies, grinning. “We slept together enough times that I know your restless sleeping habits.”

The reminder of their shared past makes his chest tighten. “Yeah,” Changkyun says, falling into step beside Kihyun. “So, what’s up?”

Kihyun laughs softly. “To be honest, I didn’t think that far ahead.” He glances over to Changkyun. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Well, I’m here,” Changkyun returns his smile. “What do you want to do?”

 

*

 

They end up in a 24-hour diner a few blocks down from the dorms. It’s weird, sitting opposite Kihyun as if this was a normal occurrence in their lives. Which, before they broke up, it was. When neither of them couldn’t sleep or when Kihyun studied too late into night, they took walks or went to cafes and those talks they had at two in the morning were, secretly, Changkyun’s favorites. Kihyun used to be his middle-of-the-night person. Kihyun used to be a lot. His person was one of them.

“Are you mad at me?” Kihyun asks quietly after they’ve received their orders, stirring his coffee slowly.

Changkyun remembers their first conversation a week ago where Kihyun had asked the same. “No,” he answers and realizes it’s the truth. “I’m not.”

Kihyun looks up and smiles. It’s tired and doesn’t reach his eyes. “You should be. I broke up with you out of nowhere, a week before our first-year anniversary.”

“I didn’t know you knew,” Changkyun says quietly, avoiding his gaze. Maybe, that had hurt most of all.

“Of course I did.” Kihyun runs his finger over some writing on the table, probably left by high school students. “I broke your heart and avoided you. I haven’t done many mistakes in my life, but,” he looks up, their eyes meeting. “Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I’ve ever done.”

Changkyun stares at him. “So, what are you saying?” he asks, voice hoarse. “You’re telling me this and expect us to get back together?”

“What - n-no, not at all,” Kihyun stumbles over his words, wide-eyed. “I just...wanted you to know. And I was wondering if, y’know, we could try being friends. We were friends before we dated.”

“Being friends,” Changkyun starts and if he weren’t already looking at Kihyun, he would’ve missed the slight hopeful expression on his face. “That’d be nice.”

“That’s great,” Kihyun breathes out, a smile overtaking his features, when suddenly realization dawns on his face. “But - I mean, Jooheon won’t be happy about this, will he?”

“Jooheon?” Changkyun blinks. “What about him?”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “C’mon, I noticed it last week. He’s not very fond of me, is he?” Kihyun asks with a wry smile. “Pretty sure he hates me.”

“No,” Changkyun laughs. “He doesn’t hate you.”

At Kihyun’s raised eyebrow, Changkyun grins. “I’m serious. Jooheon could never hate anyone. He’s just very overprotective. That’s why he suggested going on holiday, to, y’know, to take my mind off things.”

Kihyun nods understandingly. “I’m glad he’s your friend.”

Changkyun smiles down at the table. “Me too,” he mumbles, temporarily lost in his thoughts. Jooheon _is_ a good friend, his best friend. Jooheon was the only one who saw, who experienced first-hand how messed up he was after Kihyun broke up with him, Jooheon was the one who let him skip classes for a week before he forced him out of his bed, who had packed all reminders of Kihyun in their dorm away - some of his books, pictures, a sweater. Jooheon was the one who had grabbed him by the shoulders and shaken him, had stared him in the eyes and said, “Get your grip together, man. Kihyun’s not worth it.” Jooheon was the one making sure he was eating and doing his assignments. Jooheon had dragged him out of the hole he was threatening to sink into.

Changkyun was ashamed, to say the least. He’d always been uncomfortable opening himself up completely to someone and he hated that, albeit unwillingly, he let Jooheon see the darkest parts of him, hated how much the break-up affected him. But then again, it was Kihyun. Changkyun loved him. And he was sure Kihyun loved him too. Now, with Kihyun in front of him and still looking as beautiful as he always did - he could love him again.

Changkyun clears his throat. “We dealt with the break-up in our own ways. I went to Greece and you dyed your hair pink.”

Kihyun laughs, his eyes falling shut and crinkling by the corners. He runs a hand through his hair, tugging at some strands at his neck. “I want to go back to my normal hair color. It faded over the months but Minhyuk made me re-dye it.”

“You don’t like it?” Changkyun asks.

“It was a nice change,” Kihyun shrugs. “Something completely new. But I’m not so sure.”

“I think it suits you.”

Kihyun lets out a giggle, covering his mouth with his hand, and Changkyun gets reminded of all the times he’d made Kihyun laugh like that. The fact that he could still do it makes him feel somehow proud. “You do?” Kihyun asks, glancing up.

“Yeah,” Changkyun has to bite his lip to keep himself from blurting out more, so he tries to think of something else to say and settles on, “Tell me the story of how Minhyuk-hyung convinced you to dye your hair. Especially pink.”

 

*

 

“Hyung,” Changkyun groans out in frustration, sitting back down on the floor. “I need help.”

Jooheon watches him from his bed, amusement on his face. “What are you looking for?” he asks, eyeing Changkyun’s backpack, the contents spilled all over the floor.

“The postcards from Greece,” Changkyun replies, rubbing his face. “Remember? We got some from every city for Hyungwon-hyung but we had some leftover ones.”

Jooheon’s mouth forms an o-shape and then he’s pushing his laptop away, leaning over to reach his desk. “Why didn’t you ask me first before turning our room into this mess?” he jokingly asks, rummaging around in the top drawer before producing a transparent folder. Changkyun quickly moves up to sit beside him. Jooheon lies all the contents of the folder on the bed between them.

“We even have some polaroids that didn’t go on the door,” Jooheon comments, nodding over to their door which was covered in various postcards and pictures, of them and their friends.

“Thanks,” Changkyun mumbles, eyes glued to the photos. “I didn’t know we had that many.”

“Why were you looking for them?”

Changkyun glances up at Jooheon’s questioning gaze. He knows - if he told him the truth, Jooheon would most likely get mad and demand an explanation which Changkyun doesn’t have, so he shrugs and says, “I was thinking about our trip again and wanted to see some pictures.”

Jooheon seems to accept that as an answer but later, when Changkyun gets ready to leave, under the disguise of going to the library, Jooheon stops him when he’s at the door. “Hey.” Changkyun looks up, to his best friend sitting cross-legged on his bed, worrying his lower lip with his teeth. “Be careful,” Jooheon finally says. “Promise?”

Changkyun doesn’t need to ask to know what Jooheon’s referring to. “I promise.”

 

*

 

“Why are you not mad at me?”

Changkyun stops in the middle of taking a bite off his pizza. “What?” he asks, blinking. “Why does that sound like you want me to be mad at you?”

They’re in Kihyun’s apartment, the TV on but on mute, their dinner on the living room table. Kihyun shrugs. “I expected you to be mad,” he says, then looks at Changkyun. “But you aren’t. You should be angry. You - you should’ve yelled at me the first time you saw me after our break-up. I’m constantly waiting for you to crack but -”

Changkyun watches with wide eyes as Kihyun puts his face in his hands, groaning. “I’m mad,” Kihyun says, voice muffled. He looks up, catches Changkyun’s gaze. “I’m angry. Angry at myself for doing that to you. I-I hate myself for it.

Changkyun,” he says, softly, grabbing the front of Changkyun’s sweater. “I should’ve never let you go. You were the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and -”

 _Then why did you_ , Changkyun wants to say, wants to _scream._ After Changkyun had gotten out of the phase of the break-up where he hated every little thing that reminded him of Kihyun, he was mad. Of course he was mad, he was downright furious, and he wanted an explanation, he wanted Kihyun to stop avoiding him, to talk to him, to tell him where they went wrong, if it was blatantly obvious, and how Changkyun could’ve missed Kihyun falling out of love with him.

“I was scared,” Kihyun says. “I was scared and I was a coward and I’m so sorry -”

“Being scared isn’t a good reason to break up with someone,” Changkyun interrupts, tries to control his voice. “You could’ve talked to me. We could’ve worked on this together.”

Kihyun visibly swallows. “I-I couldn’t -”

“Why not?” Changkyun stands up, pacing around, needing to do something. “When you said it was over, I-I thought you cheated on me or something, you gave me absolutely no reason, just the bullshit _it’s not you, it’s me_ spiel and, and -” Changkyun takes a deep breath, hands going up to his hair. “Jooheon was right, y’know, Jooheon said I deserved better, he said you weren’t worth it,” he bites down on his lip, Kihyun watching him with shock written across his face. This was the outburst Kihyun was waiting for. “And I wanted to believe him but, God, I couldn’t, because I was so fucking in love with you and you, you broke my heart out of nowhere and,” he tugs at his hair in frustration. “And Jooheon told me to be careful and I really,” he swallows, arms falling down to his sides. “I really can’t hang out with you anymore. I don’t think I can be friends with you.”

Changkyun had a point to this, he knows, and what slipped out of his mouth was by complete accident but as he repeats those words over in his head - they’re the truth. He can’t be friends with Kihyun, can’t put himself through that, because -

“I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again,” Changkyun says with no heat behind his voice, shoulders slumped. Kihyun’s eyes widen and he gets to his feet but Changkyun holds up a hand to stop him. “And I can’t - I can’t do that.” He grabs his jacket from the armchair but stops when he hears rustling. He pulls out an envelope and remembers his initial reason for coming over. Changkyun drops the envelope on the couch. “These are for you. Thought you might like them.”

Kihyun watches him go.

 

*

 

Three short knocks sound on the door and Changkyun glances up from his phone, frowning. He hopes whoever is on the other side will just leave but then the knocking continues and Changkyun bites back a groan, slowly getting out of bed.

He expected another student, maybe, or even Jooheon who forgot his key, which was highly unlikely - point is, he expected literally anyone else _but_ Kihyun standing in front of him, clothes drenched, holding a pizza box in his hands, chest heaving as if he ran here.

Changkyun stares at him. Kihyun stares back. “Why are you wet?” he finally manages to get out.

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “Have you been outside? It’s raining buckets.”

“Okay. Why are you here?” Changkyun continues, leaning against the doorway and crossing his arms over his chest.

Kihyun takes a deep breath and holds the pizza box out. “This is an apology pizza. Please take it or I will start crying right here.”

Changkyun raises a brow. “It’s your favorite,” Kihyun tries, a small smile pulling at his lips.

Changkyun doesn’t react, instead tilts his head slightly to the right, in consideration. “Cry, then,” he says and Kihyun’s smile slips off his face. “What.”

“I can count the amount of times I’ve seen you cry on one hand,” Changkyun continues, shrugging. “Also, you’re kinda ugly when you cry. Maybe it’ll make me feel better.”

Kihyun stares at him in exasperation. “You’re such a brat,” he says but his actions are betraying his words. A smile is forming on his face, the one which shows off the crinkles by his eyes, and Changkyun quickly looks down. “Come in,” he says, stepping back and holding the door open. “I’ll get you a towel.”

 

*

 

“The pictures were beautiful,” Kihyun says. His sweatshirt is lying on the heater to dry and he’s wearing one of Changkyun’s hoodies to stop the shivering, a towel slung loosely around his neck. “You went to Naxos.”

Changkyun shrugs, sitting down on Jooheon’s bed so they’re facing each other. “You told me a lot about it. I remembered some.”

Kihyun smiles at that, ducking his head.

“You said this was an apology pizza,” Changkyun nods over to the pizza box on his desk, still damp. “What are you apologizing for?”

“A lot of things.” Kihyun sighs, playing with his fingers. “What an asshole I was to you. Thinking we could be friends without it being complicated.” He looks up, their gazes locking. “Breaking up with you.”

Changkyun is the first one to break eye contact, staring down at his lap. “This conversation is long overdue, huh,” he mumbles.

“Yeah,” Kihyun replies and it’s soft, so soft, Changkyun almost misses it. “I talked to Jooheon.”

Changkyun snaps his head up, thoughts immediately going to his best friend. “When?”

“Earlier tonight, before I came here,” Kihyun answers. “He asked to meet up.”

Jooheon’s words from earlier, _me and Hyungwon are hitting up some bars, do you want to come?_ swim through his mind and he realizes that Jooheon must have lied to him about his plans.

“He told me everything,” Kihyun continues. “About...you. How messed up you were after our break-up.”

Changkyun swallows. “Oh.”

“I -” Kihyun’s shoulder slump. “I never could have imagined. I never thought what I did would affect you this much and, and I’m so sorry, Changkyun -”

Changkyun cuts him off. “It was my own fault, in a way,” he says quietly. “I think I loved you too much.”

Kihyun runs his tongue over his bottom lip. “Past tense?” he asks, voice soft.

Changkyun had expected this question, or at least this kinda conversation. He shakes his head, a sad smile on his face. “Present,” he says, afraid to look up, catch Kihyun’s pitying gaze.

“That’s good,” Kihyun whispers, then clears his throat. “Present is good.” Changkyun glances up and Kihyun’s smile - small, soft, hopeful - makes his gut flutter.

Kihyun discards the towel on the bed before moving to sit beside Changkyun, their thighs touching. “I like present,” Kihyun murmurs and his hand finds Changkyun’s. He rubs his thumb over the back of Changkyun’s hand.

“I was scared,” Kihyun starts, staring down at their interlocked fingers. “I don’t know of what. But I realized that -” he purses his lips, trying to find the right words. “Being scared makes me a coward. But it also makes me take more chances. When we first started dating, I was scared of falling in love with you. But it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He looks up, a smile pulling on his lips. “You were the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

They’re close, close for their noses to be almost touching, but neither makes a move to lean away. “You upgraded from _the greatest_ to _the best,_ ” Changkyun murmurs. “I feel honoured.”

Kihyun giggles, leaning closer so their foreheads are touching. “You should. I don’t run across campus in the rain with pizza for everyone.”

“Speaking of pizza, it’s probably gone cold.”

“It was already wet,” Kihyun replies, still grinning stupidly. Changkyun must look the same.

“You were scared,” Changkyun says slowly, calculating his words carefully. “But if you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. And if you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

Kihyun blinks at him before grasping the front of his shirt, eyes closing. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” he whispers.

Changkyun’s hands find their place on Kihyun’s waist. It’s so easy, so familiar, and the knot in Changkyun’s chest, the pain, loosens up with every passing second.

“Not in the past six months, no.”

Kihyun opens his eyes again. “I thought I lost you,” he mumbles and Changkyun doesn’t know if he was supposed to hear that but it doesn’t matter anymore when Kihyun closes the short distance between them and presses their lips together.

  
  
  
  
Kissing Kihyun feels a lot like coming home.


End file.
